On the straight and narrow.... again!

You never know what you have until its gone right?
Im here in Romania and all my family and friends are in the states... simple act of obedience. Ill go Lord... I will go.
You have no one to lean on and no where to run and you cant help the emotion and loving these people... youre held right in the palm of his hands and for good reason.
This trip Shawn and I havent worked together much. He goes one way and I go the other. He handles the macho and I handle as much as I can, the bling.
We can do this.... and I am sure of it because I know His Word and it tells me so.
"Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave to you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do." Joshua 1:7
Because I have the ability to use WiFi here in Romania... I was able to see this very verse written on my friends Facebook wall and I was blessed beyond measure. Jennifer had it written there and I am sure it was a blessing to her this day but she had no idea what a blessing it would be for me in this very moment... I meditated on this all day long as I worked and shared and pondered how am I going to be a blessing to these people today? And I realized.. I am the one being blessed.
One of the Romanian children in the English center asked me today "do you have many friends and family?" (I wish you could have heard her Romanian accent, it was way cuter than my southern one) I thought about that for a moment and almost cried right there in the middle of the English lesson. "I do". I have many friends... many family. I have a large family and I was able to share with her that my friends are in my heart with me always and very close to me like family. and I thought of this verse.... and how it took a friend to bring me to it and how I need each of them. This little person deepened my breath in that moment and made me think about the many parts of the body and how different they are including arms and legs. Although they look alike they are not exactly the same in size and length and freckels... I have many friends.
I struggle with love.... (ok I said it)
I do
Its awkward and difficult and lots of work to maintain.
Seriously?
Is that really my opinion of love?
I dont have to lift a single finger to maintain the love of my Savior! I am abundantly blessed and super confused!
I have never felt more loved in my life and it scares the bahjepeepers outta me! (yes that IS a word)
LAst year at this time I was crying all the time and amazed at the view of Jesus in the eyes of these little image bearers. This time I am aware the reflection of Jesus in their eyes comes from the Savior living within ME! Are your eyes wet with tears? Are you with me or are you reading this over again wondering what I am talking about? I thought I had the unique ability to see something that only existed here... that you had to come see this... well you should because these people are amazing... but the point is this.... can you see your reflection of the living savior in the eyes of someone who needs Him?
Hold me. feed me. Love me. Help me to feel special. Show me the only love I will ever know. Canyou do this for Him? in His name? How does He do this to me?
Only He can.....I've never felt more loved in my life!
Hae you felt that? do you think Im crazy?
I once told a friend, "seriously Ive never been told I love you so many times in my life and it freaks me out".
My parents love me.
My brothers love me.
My in-laws love me....
And my husband loves me and you have seen evidence of that... but to be loved by people BY CHOICE is freaky. does it really take all that work to maintain?
I get the cautiousness of these children and my heart skips a beat because I want so much to tell them how they are loved and how different it is from the love they currently know!
Father God, living water of life living in me and through me show me how to accept your love completely and without conditions of my behavior. You are a mighty God who knows me better than I know myself and desire to work with this broken mess of a daughter. I want to share your love in the flesh more than ever and bigger than ever before. Your people are searching... they dont know yet that they search for You! Lord ignite the fire within us that they may know you in our eyes. May our eyes speak love and peace.... Pache! Bless the reader of this blog and call us to a stronger meaning of love. May we become Love in action so that YOU may become known! I love you Lord and I want more of You and less of ME!